How are you?
This is something we discussed in class two weeks ago but its been on my mind since then. At the time we were talking about Freud and Im not sure how this came up but someone mentioned how usually when you see someone the common greeting is "How are you?" and the common response is "Fine, how are you?" and that we dont expect any other answer and are thrown off guard if given something to the contrary. In my class are a couple of students from Europe and they said and it has also been my experience that in other cultures (ie not America) when someone asks you "How you are doing?" they expect the honest answer, even if you are not doing well and the answer is probably something longer than what they have time for. Meaning that if you ask someone how they are doing be prepared to listen.
So heres my thoughts/question for the evening: Do you take people at face value? If you meet someone, a friend or a stranger, and you ask 'how are you?' do you want them to just say 'oh fine' and move on? Or do you really want to know? Be honest with yourself and think about it. Patience, I will admit, has NEVER been a strong point with me, and so even I have to wonder which I would prefer. At face value I would like to say "NO - tell me how your life is going, dont just move on after saying ok" and have even said as much to complete strangers, admittedly mostly in jest. But then again I always did get into trouble for being too talkative. But I also know that I get impatient with people who ramble on. The other day at work, this lady ending up having a 20 minute conversation with me and another girl about how she was fixing up her house but she lived in crack-infested neighborhood - but that if we wanted to buy a home now was the time to do it. I know at some point during the conversation I was thinking 'okay lady time to move on'. But I also realized that this woman had just moved to the area and probably just wanted someone to listen and hopefully she left thinking she gave us some good advice on how to buy a home.
I think that its like this: How are you? is kind of like an ice breaker. Its more like a "Hello" or an introduction to a conversation than a means of really getting to know the details of someones life. If there is more to be said then hopefully conversation will follow. I also think a lot of the time we hide behind "How are you" to avoid having a conversation. Its become a pseudo way of being interested in people, and if you get more details than you wanted then the conversation becomes work. And sure we are all guilty of giving the "oh fine" response probably thinking that conversation is done. Sometimes that really all both have time for. But how can you tell the difference?
In the long run we are only doing a disservice to ourselves. Think about how many people you consider a friend - now how many of those people would you really turn to if you had a problem or just needed someone to talk to. Granted we all have those friends that are friends cause they are fun to hang around but maybe not bear your soul too, but why not?!
So really - How are you 
Adrianne on 03.03.08 @ 10:59 PM EST [link] [No Comments]
