Not Momma Today

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I haven’t really felt like being a momma lately. It’s a horrible thing. To write it, to even think it honestly. I love being your momma, don’t ever think otherwise. But lately Ive allowed myself to be so stressed and so angry at everything. For the most part it doesn’t really affect how I am with you. Mainly because I don’t want it to. But there have been a couple times where I had your daddy come and rock you for your evening nap because I just couldn’t fight with you to sleep.

Although if you cried I couldn’t stay away. Right now he trying to get you back to sleep and you just don’t want to be put back down I bet. I haven’t gone in to see yet. I wanted/needed to write you a letter. Ever since I published that first letter I haven’t really had any thoughts come to mind.

A couple of things maybe, but nothing that made me think ‘Dear Isabella, I have to tell you what’s going on today!’. But like I said I haven’t really felt like myself lately.

You are amazing though. Talking, you say hi when you want to be picked up. I can ask you where you belly button is and you will lift you shirt and look for it. Its really adorable. We had to take you for one shot today, although you were supposed to get two. The doctor who was there this time was much better. Last time was awful. The doc then was more concerned about the documents and then when it was time for your shot you were really upset and he wouldn’t give me the time to calm you down. By the time it was all done we were both in tears. Looking back I feel like he was that way because I don’t speak the language, came with a translator (Sylvia and not your daddy) and was just in general a jerk. But today the doctor was better. Gentler and you were such a brave girl. A little bit of tears when you got poked but soon after it was forgotten.

I gotta help your Papa, I’m sure he’s about to melt down. I love you more than words can say,

momma